


Take Action

by sperchikoff7



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, some talk about abortion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6955735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperchikoff7/pseuds/sperchikoff7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma Swan is not a joiner. She does not join clubs. But there just might be one that sparks her interest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hate to give away plot but I strongly believe in trigger warnings, so if a little talk about abortion is not your thing, then you might want to skip this story. I plan for it to be a small part but i thought i would warn anyone just in case. also I, sadly, own none of these characte

_Ugh, here we go_

Emma reluctantly walks towards the commons area of Storybrooke University. She drags her feet as subtly as she can, not wanting to gain attention for, well, anything really, but especially not for her lack of interest in the numerous social groups and clubs whose sign-up tables are spread across the outdoor area. Tables are covered in brochures and flyers, pencils and buttons for those who sign-up. The tables are attended to by two to four individuals each, most of them looking like peppy game show contestants. Each table has a canopy hanging over it, making it look like a college farmer’s market or art festival. Except not fun. 

She wishes she could just go around the monstrosity of socialization but, alas, her class is in the building right on the other side of the event and going around would just make her late.

“Deep breaths,” she sighs, hiking up her backpack straps to sit more squarely on her shoulders.

She treks across the cobblestone, trying to tune out any and all conversations that might be pointed toward getting her to stop and consider what they have to offer. Not even the history club could do that and she is a history major for Christ’s sake. Emma walks past the sorority table, the language club tables and the fraternity tables, her eyes down and her hands in fists. She is almost home free. She strides through a little corridor made by the final two booths, ready to let herself relax and breathe normally.

“Oi, girlie, wanna make a difference?” rumbles a loud, definitively male voice.

Emma walks a couple more steps before she looks back over her shoulder, just to make sure the voice wasn’t meant for her.

_No one’s gonna call me “girlie.”_

But apparently it was meant for her as two boys and a girl behind a table in the direction the voice came from are looking right at her. One of the boys, the blonde one, looks shocked. His eyes slightly wide and his mouth open. The other boy, the one with inky black hair, is looking her straight in the eye, his eyes hard. His mouth tilted in a smirk, giving his face the look of a challenge he is throwing at her, daring her to turn down. The girl looks simply exasperated, an annoyed look crossing her face as she turns and shakes her head at them.

Emma looks over the scene, her eyes moving to the pathetic excuse for a sign that is hanging over their booth with the words “Take Action” written simply in what looks like black sharpie. She looks back to the smirking boy who she is sure is the one who yelled at her.

“What did you say to me?” she asks, coldly.

His smirk turns into a full-blown smile, as he crosses his arms across his chest and stands a bit straighter.

 _Yeah, you better get ready for what I am about to spew at you, asshole._

“You want to join Students for Activism, lass?” he questions, sweeping his hand above the pamphlets spread across the table.

Emma steps closer to the table and crosses her arms, mimicking his posture.

“Don’t call me girlie and maybe I’ll think about it,” she fires back.

She has no real intention of joining. _As if._

Impossibly, his smile grows. He unfolds his arms and braces himself on the table.

“Apologies,” he states, looking anything but.

Emma takes the final steps up to the table, ready to give him a piece of her mind, being late for class a trivial consequence at this point.

“Do you have any interest in activism or helping the community?” a lighter, sweeter voice pipes in.

Emma pulls her gaze away from the irritating boy to the girl she noticed before. She is blonde, her hair in a long braid over one shoulder, and has a slight smile gracing her face. Emma relaxes her stance and takes a breath, not wanting to rage at this girl when she is just doing what she has to for a group she’s in. 

“Um…yeah. I have thought about protesting and activism before, seen it on TV, but I’ve never done any of that before,” she mutters, motioning her hand toward the pamphlets, feeling self-conscious now as the three behind the table all focus on her.

The girls smile grows.

“Yeah, I was the same way. It can be difficult to know where to start but this group can be a good place to see if you like it, see if you really want to get into it.”

Emma nods, feeling the first stirrings of interest. She might want to sign up but she is not sure if she wants to commit. She likes her Netflix and her free time.

“I’m Elsa, by the way,” the girl greets, putting out her hand for Emma to shake.

Emma shakes her hand and says her name in return.

“Pretty name,” the dark-haired boy interrupts.

Emma glares at him, expecting to see another smirk or some form of sarcasm on his face. She is met with neither. A look of pure sincerity is what she sees. His clear blue eyes shine with some feeling Emma is not ready to recognize, while his lips quirk up in a little smile, his teeth showing just a fraction as he bites his lip. Emma finds the sincerity harder to take from him. Her face begins to feel heated. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles, her voice just above the volume of a whisper.

“Aye,” he replies almost as softly.

“I’m David,” interrupts the blonde boy, the normal volume of his voice sounding much louder after the quietness of the words before.

He holds his hand straight out to her. She looks at it, a little surprised at the abruptness to which he put himself into the conversation. A moment passes before she takes his hand and shakes it as well.

“Nice to meet you,” she says, formally.

“Yeah, you too.”

As Emma lets go of his hand, her eyes shift back to the only person’s name she doesn’t know…yet.

She takes her turn at being mischievous, a smirk gracing her lips as she straightens her spine.

“So, do you have a name, or should I just internally think of you as “that douchebag guy” and call “hey you” when I want your attention.”

The boy’s face lights up, his smile growing wide once again. 

Emma goes back over what came out of her mouth and sees her mistake immediately. She opens her mouth to refute anything he is about to say but he beats her to it.

“Planning on thinking about me then?”

“No-,” Emma tries to get in but he just keeps going.

“And looking for my attentions too? Wow,” he finishes, his face filled with glee.

Emma lets out a huff, her right hand balling up into a fist. 

“You’re an idiot. You know that’s not what I meant!”

His smile shrinks minimally but is no less irritating to Emma.

“Killian”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot up as she looks at him blankly, not understanding.

“What?” she asks.

He continues to smile.

_Bastard._

“My name, its Killian.”

Comprehension alights Emma’s face.

“Oh. Okay.” 

Her face begins to heat up for the second time in too few minutes.

“Hi,” she stutters, waving awkwardly to Killian but unable to look him in the eye.

“Hi, Emma,” he replies, his voice seeming deeper as he says her name.

As she feels her face return to its normal hue and temperature, she looks back up at Killian, makes eye contact, and lets a small smile come across her face, trying to diffuse how mortifying she is finding this situation. He reciprocates with his own smile, making a bit of her anxiety fly away.

“What do you think?” Elsa’s voice cuts in. “Would you want to join Students for Activism? You can take some pamphlets and get back to us later if you want to join. No pressure,” she finishes, ending her selling pitch with a little laugh.

Emma looks over the different brochures, each one on a different topic to protest about or that they want to draw attention to. It’s everything she has ever wanted to be involved with. Homelessness is one of the pamphlets headings and, though Emma has never been homeless, she has met enough kids in the foster system who have been. She has heard the stories in group homes and has had enough foster parents threaten to throw her out onto the streets. It is something she has cared about for a long time, even after Ingrid adopted her when she was sixteen. 

It is something she thought about when she was worried Ingrid would throw her out when she found out she was pregnant. After Neal left town, Emma had to deal with the consequences of both their actions and she figured an unplanned pregnancy at sixteen would be last straw when it came to Ingrid’s love.  
She had been wrong, of course, and when she finally told Ingrid the truth, Ingrid simply hugged her and told her that they would deal with it together. And they did. But Emma does her best not to think about it. She made her decision that she couldn’t be a mother at sixteen and she is still confident in that decision but the past doesn’t always like to stay there. 

Emma knows that better than most. 

She tries to keep any negative thoughts she might have about her choice to end her pregnancy out of her mind.

Some days she is better at it than others.

Emma moves the tips of her fingers over the edge of the “feminism” pamphlet, debating with herself on whether she is ready for her life to change. She knows she will not get into this club half-heartedly, she will be all in. She moves her gaze back to the three people in front of her.

David seems nice. Not threatening, probably funny. He makes her feel at ease.

Elsa is clearly nice and friendly, even to her, who came up to the table with guns blazing.

And that brings her gaze to Killian, the reason she is standing here at all. She is unsure about him but if this interaction has taught her anything, it is that he will definitely make the experience interesting, and he’s certainly someone she can throw her sarcasm at. 

A lot of people find her wit off-putting but, if the way he smiled at her is any indication, he won’t be one of those people. 

Having someone that she won’t have to keep her sassiness in around might be nice, fun even.

But the thing that really makes the decision for her is the possibility of becoming friends with these people and maybe some of the others in their group. 

Emma doesn’t have any real friends at school. She has people she talks to, people she gets along with in class, at least enough to partner up for activities or just to fill the silence in the time before class starts. But she doesn’t have any real friends. She doesn’t have friends she can hang out with outside of school or text funny or political things to or ones who actually care how she is. She doesn’t have any friends that she feels safe enough with to really them let get to know her, all of her. 

As Emma picks up one of each of the pamphlets, she moves to stand in front of Elsa.

“I don’t need to think about it. I want to join,” she states confidently.

As she picks up a pen to sign her name on the sign-up sheet, Emma can see out of the corner of her eye a smile cross Killian’s face. He tilts his head down trying to hide his smile from her view. 

_How could a guy who just yelled at me from across the commons have a shy side?_

She smiles as she looks up from the sheet, and thanks them all as she files the pamphlets away in her book bag. She turns towards her original destination and checks her phone for the time, immediately going into speed-walking-mode when she sees she is already five minutes late for class.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is more character development and mainly a bit of filler that I had written along with the first chapter. the activism talk will really begin in the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments. I really appreciate it! I am going to try to get a chapter out once a week, but other writing projects may get in the way. We will see how it goes. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy this little chapter.

_Okay, here we go._

Emma stands off to the side of the hallway, right across where the Students for Activism meeting, her first, is taking place. She can feel her heart racing, sweat droplets running down her back. She knows, logically, that the meeting will be fine, that the people will probably be nice and that she can handle herself if they’re not. But that doesn’t make her anxiety any less. This is something new for her. This is a situation where she doesn’t know what to expect. And as much as she has been sent to different places in her life, they have all been pretty much the same, one stark similarity being that they didn’t want her. That part of Emma that she tries to keep hidden is speaking up now and makes her wonder if these people will be the same.

She takes a few steps to the door, only to stop and shuffle back to where she started. She wrings her hands together, all the possible scenarios running through her head as she tries to get up enough of her courage to just walk into the damn room.

She is already a minute late to the meeting.

She presses her hands into fists and takes a step forward for the second time, only to stop short when she sees the door to the designated room open and the light blonde hair and pale face of Elsa pop out from behind it. She sees Emma almost immediately, their eyes connecting in an instant.

“Hey, Emma,” Elsa welcomes, her face brightening with small smile.

“Hi,” Emma answers, thanking every God there is that her voice sounds normal.

Elsa comes out of the room completely, letting the door close behind her. Emma can feel her anxiety abating just being in the presence of Elsa’s calm aura.

“Do you want to come in?” she asks, looking back at the door and testing the handle. “Was the door locked when you tried it?” she continues.

“No,” Emma answers, quietly as she turns her gaze to her shoes. “I just wasn’t sure, she finishes, hoping Elsa just understands and doesn’t ask any more questions.

“Oh, okay. Yeah this is the right room and we haven’t even started yet. Not that we have that much of a structure anyways, but…” She trails off, rolling her eyes and looking back at the door and then back to Emma.

“You wanna come in?” Elsa repeats, simply.

“Yeah,” Emma sighs.

She walks through the door that Elsa holds open for her, entering the room that moments ago seemed to be an impossible task. Elsa strides in behind her.  
Emma lets her gaze move quickly around the room, noticing the scattered desks, the whiteboards covering the walls, and a box full of the same pamphlets she saw when she signed up for the club. She doesn’t register any faces as she quickly sweeps he eyes across the space.

At least not until a loud, masculine and decidedly familiar voice booms her name across the room.

“EMMA!”

She lets her eyes take in the people sitting in a grouping of desks, now all looking at her. She scans their faces, looking for the blue eyes, the dark locks and the smirk of all smirks.

_And there he is,_ she thinks. Smiling wide and smugly, right at her.

“Thanks for the introduction,” she deadpans, trying her hardest to look as bored as possible.

Killian just keeps smiling. _Idiot._

Emma feels Elsa place her hand on her shoulder and push her forward a bit.

“Yes, thanks Killian. Everyone this is Emma. She is new, obviously, so try to keep your more unpleasant sides hidden until she gets to know you better.”

Elsa looks pointedly at Killian. He places his hand over his heart, looking mildly offended, making Emma giggle.

Elsa leads Emma to two empty desks, Emma taking the one easiest to get out of, out of habit. She slides her backpack straps off her shoulders and places it next to her feet as she sits in the metal desk chair. She gets out a notebook and a pen, just in case she needs it. She wants to be prepared for anything that happens.

As she settles, she looks up and sees Killian looking at her.

His eyes look different, more blue, if that is possible. The sarcasm and humor is gone, leaving only a softness there that Emma doesn’t quite understand. His lips quirk up into the small smile Emma remembers from that day in the commons. He opens his mouth, as if to say something but Elsa asks if they are all ready to start and his lips close and he looks away.

Emma doesn’t know what he could have wanted to say to her. It couldn’t have been anything too important. He doesn’t even know her. She watches him for a few more moments before she lets it go, figuring it was probably nothing. She relaxes back into her seat and listens as Elsa begins by asking about topics the group wants to discuss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for all the kudos and comments. I really appreciate it and it means a lot. This chapter really gets into the discussion of what the group is involved with and some of Killian's back story. (for people who worry like me: Liam is alive and will stay that way)

“Alright, why don’t we start with our climate change project?” Elsa begins.

Everyone settles down and turns their full attention to Elsa.

“I think the handouts we made and distributed around campus last year were good and we all liked the idea of showing what the school does to help with their carbon footprint and what they could do better. Do we want to do that again?" Elsa asks. "Oh and, just to help Emma this first time, just say your name before you speak."

A girl with long black hair raises her hand.

“I’m Mulan. Um… I think if we added tips on what students can do to help reduce their carbon footprint, like use the public transportation more than drive their car, if they have one, or eat less meat, turn off lights when our not in the room, stuff like that.”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Elsa encourages. “I like the turning off the lights idea instead of just buying those light bulbs. Those can be really expensive and most students, us included, can’t really afford those.”

“Hell yes,” replies a boy with sandy blonde hair. A girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair glares at him.

“Do you have to be so crass about everything?” she exclaims.

“Only in your presence, your majesty,” he sasses, smiling wide.

Elsa leans over towards Emma.

“That’s Robin and Regina,” she whispers. “It’s not really a meeting until the two of them have had some kind of stand-off.”

“Yeah, I can feel the sexual tension from here,” Emma nods, laughing as Elsa rolls her eyes.

“Alright,” Elsa states, “what are some other tips we could add to the flyer?”

“Recycling. It’s an oldie but a goodie,” Robin pipes in again, Elsa nodding her approval as she writes the idea down.

Emma raises her hand hesitantly.

“Go on, lass,” Killian says, smirking as Emma squints her eyes at him.

“Um… this is just a small thing, but printing on both sides of the paper when you can. I know for some of my classes that don’t have books, the professor makes you print out a lot of articles and double-sided printing can save a lot of paper.”

The whole group hums with approval.

“Did you have Professor Hopper for psychology too?” a girl with red streaks in her hair asks, grinning.

“Oh, yeah. I think I printed over a hundred pages, front and back, by the end of the semester.”

“For sure! I’m Ruby by the way,” she says, happily, waving.

Emma smiles back.

“Ruby and Mulan are our two environment experts,” Elsa adds.

“Hey, me too!” Robin exclaims.

Elsa goes to speak but Ruby beats her to it.

“Yeah but we make a hotter couple, Locksley,” she says, putting her arm around Mulan and kissing her cheek, making Mulan smile, as well as turn bright red.

“Sorry for not including you, Robin. You did such a good job with the save the forest project last semester. I always associate you with that more than the overall scheme of things,” Elsa states, calmly.

Robin waves his hand at her dismissively.

“It’s no problem, Els, no harm done. No permanent harm…anyway,” he says, turning to look at Regina as he says the last bit.

“You burned yourself on that damn Bunsen burner. I had nothing to do with it,” Regina states calmly, not even turning to look at him.

“Okay,” Elsa exclaims, loudly, bringing everyone’s attention back to her. “Let’s move on to sexual assault on campus.

Emma’s back stiffens. She knows climate change is very important but she has punched enough guys in her time on campus, and heard enough stories in the dorms to feel strongly about this topic. She is a woman on campus after all; it affects her.

“Castrate them all,” Regina pipe up first.

All the girls laugh, while the boy’s eyes widen, some crossing their legs.

“While that is one solution, does anyone have any ideas for something we can do that is a bit more practical?” Elsa chimes in.

A girl with brown hair in a low ponytail raises her hand.

“Belle, go ahead,” Elsa prompts.

“Um…well…there have been a lot of signs posted along the commons area about depression and stress during exams, maybe we could do the same things with statistics, how to get consent, what to say, and how to get help on campus,” Belle lists off.

“Great idea, Belle,” David pipes in.

“Yes, that would really allow everyone to see them as they are walking to their classes. Thank you Belle,” Elsa commends.

Belle smiles timidly and nods in recognition.

“Could we post resources on bulletin boards too? Like with a piece you can rip off quick with a phone number or something?” Emma asks.

The whole group agrees.

“Absolutely. That is definitely an easy way to get the information and do it without so many people seeing, if someone is worried about that,” Elsa smiles, bumping her shoulders against Emma’s.

“Okay, well this is a big issue and I think is is a good idea if we come back to it at every meeting. It is, after all, something that directly effects people we see every day.”

“Why don’t we move one to the food drive? Killian?” Elsa looks expectantly towards him.

“Aye, lass,” he states as he stands, his eyebrows turning down in seriousness.

“Um…well the food drive, as most of you know, is for students who are in need of food or some other staples, toilet paper, toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc,” Killian gestures with his hand as he speaks. “Its hard enough to go to classes when you’ve eaten, going hungry and taking exams must be unimaginable.”

“Dave and I already have a design for the flyer going and Belle is helping me put a notice in the school paper for donations.”

Killian bows his head and scratches behind his ear. Emma watches his every movement, wondering how he can be so cocky one moment and then awkward and sincere the next.

“Also,” he raises his eyebrows and looks at the group from underneath his eyelashes, “not everyone has signed up for their shifts at the homeless shelter. It’s just a few hours on the weekend, so see me after we’re done here if you have yet to sign up. 

Killian turns his gaze on Emma, humor lighting up his eyes for the first time since he started talking about the food drive. He smirks.

_Ah, back to cocky ass already._

“Only the lovely Swan has an excuse for not having signed up yet and I know she is just waiting to get my handsome self alone,” he grins, waggling his eyebrows.

Emma rolls her eyes.

“My signing up will have nothing to do with you and everything to do with helping people who need it,” she snaps.

His smirk disappears instantly, making Emma’s temper shrink and go over what she just said. She didn’t want to really hurt his feelings.

Killian slouches and slides back down into his seat. 

Emma notices the tips of his ears have turned red. It makes her feel worse for snapping at him.

She worries her hands together under her desk while she stares at him. She knows she must apologize, especially if his change in demeanor is anything to go by. This is not the first time she has put her foot in her mouth. She decides she can catch up with him after the meeting and also use the opportunity to sign up for her shift at the shelter.

_I hope I don’t have to clean toilets._

“Thank you, Killian,” Elsa says sweetly.

Killian nods and smiles but it looks more like a grimace.

“Okay, I think that is enough for today, unless anyone has anything particular they wanted to bring up?” Elsa asks as she begins to slide her notes into her notebook. 

“Okay, see you all at the same time next week.”

Everyone begins gathering their stuff, putting on backpacks and rushing out the door to classes, dorms or dinner.

Emma feels a hand on her arm and looks up to see that it is Elsa smiling at her.

“I’m really glad you came today Emma. You had some great ideas.”

Emma smiles back, keeping Killian in her line of vision so she doesn’t miss her chance to talk to him.

“Thanks. I’m glad I came too. I am actually excited about getting started.”

Elsa grins, and gathers her bag to go.

Emma turns and speed-walks to where she saw the back of Killian’s backpack just exiting the room. She catches up with him quickly as he stopped at a bench to tie his shoe.

“Killian?”

He looks up, his eyebrows going almost to his hairline, though he doesn’t speak.

“Um… I’m sorry I snapped at you back there, I didn’t mean to make you feel--” Emma stops abruptly as Killian smiles and shakes his head.

“Oh, no worries Swan. It wasn’t you, it’s just…” He looks down at the marble floor before his gaze switches back to Emma’s. She gasps softly as his gaze bores into hers, that same familiar look in his eyes that Emma can’t quite put a name to.

“Most of the group already knows this, so you might as well know too."

"Um…I was homeless for a bit, when I was younger, 17. I…my father left one morning and never came back. My mother past when I was little and, at the time, my brother was away at training for the Navy. By the time someone figured out that I was alone, I was 18, so there wasn’t anything they could do. The job I had after school wasn’t enough to pay for much but luckily people at different homeless shelters let me stay sometimes, made sure they knew where I would be if they didn’t have space for me,” he recalls, trying his best to smile as he finishes his story.

Emma feels like she is going to cry or run from him or both. They’re both orphans. She feels her chest constricting but she does her best to ignore it. She scrunches her hands into fists and plants her feet.

“I’m sorry, Killian. I’m sorry, that happened to you,” she places her hand on his arm and squeezes lightly before she lets her hand fall away.

“Thanks, Swan," he whispers.

"Luckily, Liam, my brother, found me right before I was to graduate high school, so now I have him to look after me,” he smiles.

“Or, more likely, nag me to no end,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes, though his smile returns quickly.

They stand their momentarily, smiling at each other, until Emma remembers what else she wanted to talk to him about.

“Oh, I was also hoping I could sign up for the shelter, but if it’s not a good time I can do it next time or…” Emma trails off, knowing she’s rambling a bit.

Killian face breaks out into an even bigger smile.

_Why does his smile have to be so nice?_

“Of course, love,” he exclaims. He rifles through his backpack and pulls out a pen, a sheet of paper and a book for Emma to write on and hands it over to her.

“Just pick what day you want,” he points at the sheet over her shoulder, so close Emma can smell whatever soap or cologne he uses; It smells like the ocean _(of course it does)_ , “and then what you want to do. Serving food, doing dishes, cleaning the facilities, which I don’t recommend, or just talking to the people that come in. Sometimes all they need is someone to talk to.”

Emma looks over the sheet, signing her name under the coming Saturday and serving food. She figures she can do that, then see what the place is like and then decide if she wants to do more.

She turns and gives the book and pen back to Killian, his fingers lightly brushing hers as he takes the pen.

“Ah, I see you have signed up for food duty with Dave and I. I knew you couldn’t resist,” he chuckles, showing Emma where she signed her name when she goes to look closer at the sheet.

“Maybe I signed up because of David,” she sasses.

“Well, you might have to take that up with Mary Margaret, his lovely girlfriend,” Killian banters back, beaming, making Emma laugh.

Once Killian puts his things back in his bag and swings it onto his back, he turns back to her, their eyes meeting again.

Emma holds his stare, wondering how anyone’s eyes can be that blue. Killian takes a step towards her, pulling Emma from her thoughts and making her break eye contact.

_What am I doing?_

“Emma…” Killian starts softly.

Emma can’t allow him to finish.

“Sorry, I have to go. I have a lot of work to catch up on. See you next meeting,” she utters quickly as she rushes down the hallway.

“As you wish,” she hears as she turns the corner and into the throng of students trying to get to where they need to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the continued support! I appreciate it so much. This took longer than I really wanted, mainly because I am writing other things for school and then I hurt my shoulder and didn't feel like doing much else besides laying around. I suspect the next chapter will come much sooner. Hope you enjoy it. Small trigger warning: there is a mention of abortion in this chapter

Emma arrives at the homeless shelter five minutes before her shift is to begin. She wipes her palms on her jeans as she walks through the doorway and into the fluorescent lit room. It appears that no one has arrived yet, as she can’t see anyone and, from her place at the entrance, all she hears is the humming of what she thinks is a refrigerator. She takes a few hesitant steps forward into the cafeteria space. It seems to take up most of the building. There are tables spread all over the tiled area, long rectangular ones with attached benches, like picnic tables but made out of a nicer wood and polished. She steps over to one and sits down lightly at the end of a bench, slinging her purse down to sit next to her.

She only waits a moment before she sees a man come out from a door in the small room opposite the cafeteria. He notices her instantly.

“Hello, lass.”

Emma does a double take at the accent. It sounds just like Killian’s, maybe a little deeper. It’s not every day that somebody calls you lass.

“Hi,” she says as she stands to meet him.

He smiles and that looks familiar too. As he walks nearer he holds out his hand to shake.

“I’m Liam, what can I do for you today, miss?”

She takes his hand. It’s warm, a bit rough and much bigger than hers.

“I’m Emma. I’m supposed to volunteer today. I signed up at Storybrooke University with this club I’m in,” she states, going over the information in her head about where she was supposed to go, hoping she is not in the wrong place.

Recognition lights up Liam’s face.

“Ah yes, you’re friends with Killian then.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t say friends. We only met a couple times but, yeah, I know him,” she mutters.

“Aye. Well I don’t blame you. He can be a right wanker sometimes.”

“Hey!” another accented voice yells from behind them.

Emma turns to see Killian and David in the kitchen area, behind a serving counter.

“No need to be besmirching my good name, brother.”

Emma looks between the two men and wonders how she didn’t see the resemblance before. They have the exact same eyes. Killian’s hair is a little darker and Liam’s curly, where Killian’s is straight, but they definitely look like brothers.

“You do that on your own, little brother.”

“Younger,” she hears Killian mumble under his breath.

Their banter makes her smile. She always wanted a sibling.

“Hi, Emma,” David calls out.

“Hi,” she waves.

“Hello, Swan. Glad you could make it,” Killian welcomes.

She doesn’t know what it is, maybe his smile, maybe his hopeful eyes, but he makes her blush.

“Do people usually not show up when they volunteer?” she asks.

She turns as she hear Liam chuckle behind her.

“You would not believe how many times that has happened. Not usually the college kids like you but other volunteers I have recruited. It’s a bit sad,” Liam utters, as he walks around the room, picking up small pieces of trash.

Emma simply nods.

“Would you like a tour, love? We have to start prepping the food soon, but the place isn’t that big,” Killian smiles wider at her.

Emma looks around for a moment, figuring it couldn’t hurt.

“Isn’t is just the kitchen and then an office in the back I’m guessing?”

“This is a full shelter, not just a soup kitchen. So, that door I just came through, leads to rooms for people to stay when they need it, which they usually do. I wish we had more room. I hate seeing people’s faces when I tell them we’re full,” Liam explains.

Emma’s mouth falls open, thinking about how much they are already doing for the homeless and it still not being enough. She looks towards Killian, remembering his story, understanding how bad he had it, even more now that she is here and has more of the details.

“Do you own this shelter?” She asks Liam, though her eyes barely leave Killian’s.

Aye, I do,” she hears him say proudly.

Killian shyly smiles, seeming to get what she’s thinking.

Liam did this for Killian. All those times Killian needed a place to stay and went to a shelter, they are trying to give that to this community. It makes her want to cry at their generosity. She wonders if Ingrid never adopted her if she would have had to go to a place like this. She would be glad to see their faces.

“I’m glad you’re here… for the people who need it,” Emma stutters out.

“We do what we can,” Liam quietly states.

Emma tears her eyes away from Killian’s to look at Liam. He looks between Emma and Killian, a small smile turning into a big one. He settles his gaze on Killian.

Killian’s eyes turn weary.

“Liam…” he warns.

“Killian, why didn’t you tell me you had a gir-,” Liam starts.

“Don’t you have some work to do, brother,” Killian interrupts, his eyes wide and angry.

“Aye, little brother,” he chuckles. “I’ll leave you to show Emma the ropes.”

Liam walks back through where he entered.

“Come on back, Swan. We’ll show you the kitchen,” Killian says through the serving station.

Emma slings her purse over her shoulder and strides towards the door that leads to where Killian and David are.

The kitchen is all stainless steel, shining counters with multiple cutting boards spread out on them and black and steel stoves. Pots and pans are stacked on shelving to the right of where Emma enters. Overall, it is much more than Emma expected. Cleaner at least.

Her eyes go from her surroundings to meet a clear sparkling blue gaze.

“Well, this is the kitchen, love.”

“I can see that,” she deadpans.

Killian smirks.

“Yeah, thanks Mr. Obvious,” David pipes in. “Come on, Emma. I’ll show you where the food is kept.”

“Thanks,” she says, following David through a door in the back of the kitchen, smirking at Killian as she passes him by.

David shows her into the pantry first. Shelves are stacked neatly with dry goods and canned items, sorted into different categories: cereals, canned vegetables, crackers, etc.

“Wow,” Emma sighs. “Who do you have organizing this place? Martha Stewart?”

David’s gaze looks beyond her, making Emma turn to see Killian standing in the doorway. His cheeks are sporting a slight blush and he has yet to meet Emma’s gaze. He scratches behind his ear.

“Ah, that would be me, lass,” he says.

“Really?” she asks, surprised.

“Yeah, Killian is a huge neat freak,” David laughs.

“Shut it, Dave. Or I’ll tell her about the time in bathroom,” Killian raises an eyebrow.

Emma hears David huff as she turns to look back at the room. She chuckles at their antics.

“Okay, back to the tour,” David mutters.

“Here is the fridge,” he continues, opening a large steel door. Cold rushes into Emma’s face. 

“We keep anything perishable in here. We get in fresh produce every day and, if you ever work the morning shift, one of the jobs you’ll do is putting that food away in here.”

“Nice,” she mumbles to herself. The same system is set up in here as well. Everything has a place. She files that bit of information about Killian away to ask him about later.

They leave the fridge and the pantry and go back into the main kitchen space, meeting Elsa there as they file back in.

“Hey guys. Hey, Emma. I didn’t realize you were volunteering today,” she smiles.

“Yeah, I’m helping serve food today,” Emma tries to get across confidently, still slightly weary of what the situation might be like.

“You’ll be great, Swan.” Killian says standing next to her.

He’s smiling at her when she looks at him. It’s that genuine smile she has seen on him a couple times now. It makes her blush. It scares her a little too.

“Well, I leave you guys to get started prepping for the day,” Elsa states, going towards the front entrance. But right before she is about to leave she turns back. “Is Liam here?” she asks, volume just above a whisper.

Emma notices Elsa’s eyes sparkle in a way she has never seen before. She’ll have to ask about that later as well.

“Aye, he’s in the office, lass. We were just about to go that way giving Emma the tour,” Killian says.

“Oh, great!”

They all follow Elsa out of the kitchen and through the door Emma saw Liam come through before. It leads to a long hallway with multiple doors on each side.

“These are the rooms for people to stay overnight,” David says, opening one of the doors closest to them. Elsa moves on to a door further down, while the three of them walk into one of the bedrooms.

The space is filled with bunk beds, one on each of two walls and a long desk on a third wall with a small closet next to it and a window taking up space on the fourth wall. 

It’s nice, Emma decides, letting a small smile curve her lips. She has stayed in worse places at foster homes and group homes. This is clean and tidy and warm and you are guaranteed food if you show up. That was not always the case for her before Ingrid took her in.

“This is really nice,” she says aloud.

“Aye” Killian whispers, just within Emma’s earshot.

Emma’s eyes connect with Killian’s, a clear understanding of worse times they’ve been through crossing through their gaze. 

_And there’s that smile again._

Emma sighs, feeling breathless. She turns her gaze back to where David is standing by the window, unable to keep looking at Killian and dealing with all the emotions he brings up in her.

They leave the bedroom, David closing the door as they exit.

“Alright, Emma. Ready to get to work?” David asks, a bright teasing smile lighting up his face.

It makes Emma feel strong, comfortable, like nothing too bad can go wrong with David there. Like the big brother she’s never had.

“Hell yeah.”

They proceed back to the kitchen, Killian grabbing a binder from behind the door.

“Alright, Swan. We are making beef stew today. Ready to get to work?” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Are you?” Emma smirks. 

“Oh, Swan,” Killian starts, swaggering over into her space, “I am more than ready to get to work with you,” he shoots one eyebrow up his forehead, smirking and leering at her.

Emma rolls her eyes, moving past him so he is no longer standing so close. Too close means he may be able to read her even more easily than he seems to already.

“What ingredients do we need to get?” Emma asks, changing the subject.

David gets the recipe out of the binder, reading it off.

“Celery, carrots, round steak, those will be in the fridge. Potatoes, onions, flour and seasoning, salt and pepper, will be in the pantry. I’ll help you collect everything, Emma and then we can all get started cooking together,” David informs.

“Cool. Sounds good,” Emma nods, following David back into the pantry door.

They bring back all the ingredients to find Killian getting out the knives they’ll need, a few wooden spoons and the biggest pot Emma has ever seen.

They split up the jobs among themselves. Killian begins to brown the meat, while David and her cut up the vast amount of vegetables into equal size chunks. Or at least they try their best.

Liam comes in at certain points while they’re cooking the stew, making sure everything is going well, that Emma is doing okay, and that the boys are “being gentlemen,” as he puts it.

Morning turns into afternoon, the smell of stew making Emma’s stomach begin to growl as the three of them spoon the mountains of steaming food into metal serving trays to be served onto plates once people start coming in.

“Don’t worry, love. We will get to eat too once everyone else is served,” Killian chuckles.

“Good,” she mumbles, trying to maintain control over her craving to just dig in and her nerves that have come back as the time for people to arrive grows nearer.

When noon hits, David brings out rolls to serve with the stew. He pushes them into the kitchen on a cart, there are so many.

Just as Emma gets her apron and her plastic gloves on, the first people start to line up. She feels her nerves rise up. She really doesn’t want to let anyone down, especially people who really need the help.

She feels a hand land on her shoulder. She looks to see that its Killian, his arm wrapped around her, his hand giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He speaks only loud enough for her to hear.

“You’ve been bloody brilliant today, Swan. That’s not going to change now,” his mouth curves into a sweet smile, his eyes holding so much hope, light and confidence that Emma finds she believes him.

Her nerves are still there, but are much less, though she chooses not to think about why he has that effect on her.

They line up in front of a pan of steaming hot beef stew each. David first, then Emma and then Killian, allowing the process to go as quickly as possible, the rolls set up at the end of the counter for people to take on their own.

Emma puts on the most convincing smile she can conjure up as the first people start to come through the line.

A man with a big scruffy beards and a grey knit cap comes right up to her station with his plate out.

“Hey, we got a new girl here,” he shouts.

Emma blushes, a bit horrified, at being to blatantly called out.

“Aye, Emma is helping us out today,” Liam says as he comes into the cafeteria.

“So, behave, Leroy,” Killian grumbles.

Leroy chuckles.

“Good to have you, blondie”, he says as he moves down the line, grabbing two rolls before he sits down at a table in the back corner.

“Blondie,” Emma repeats, turning to Killian with a raised eyebrow.

He keeps his head down and continues to serve, though he grins widely.

“I swear I did not get that from Leroy. It was merely a spur of the moment utterance,” he grins impossibly wider, his dimples flashing at her as she looks at him from the corner of her eye.

“Mmmhmm,” she mutters.

The more people she serves, the more people say hello and welcome her, the more she sees how much they are just like her. Or at least how she was in foster care. They are just in need of someone to help. One person would have made a huge difference in making Emma feel less alone, less helpless.

Ingrid was that first person for her. She can’t help but wonder if Liam, Killian, David or even her are that person for somebody here. A friendly face and a warm meal can go a long way.

Emma looks up from readjusting her gloves to see a young woman, around her age, maybe a little younger, being served by David. She is pregnant.

Emma drops her spoon, barely hearing the metal clanging against the metal serving dish. She takes a step back. Hundreds of thoughts run through her head.

What if?

What if Emma had kept her baby? What if she hadn’t had Ingrid? What if she hadn’t gotten an abortion? She was and still is not ready to be a mother but what if she had no choice? What if she had been in another bad foster home or group home when Neal abandoned her? Would she be in this girl’s place? Would she have been able to get an abortion, been able to afford it? Would she had been able to properly care for a child?

Emma is startled out of her thoughts by a hand on her arm. She flinches, looks over and sees that Elsa is looking at her, concerned.

“Emma, are you alright? Do you need a break?” she asks.

Emma eyes scan her surroundings. She must have taken a few more steps back because she is several feet away from the serving counter. Killian looks back over his shoulder at her, looking equally worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But I could use a little break,” she whispers, for Elsa’s ears only.

Elsa smiles and nods.

“No problem. I’ll take your spot. Take as much time as you need,” she assures.

As soon as Elsa takes a step up to serve, Emma rushes to the pantry and into the fridge, wanting the cold and needing the isolation to get herself together. She sits down on an upside down crate and runs her hands back through her hair. She takes a few deep breaths and lets the chilled air calm her.

She is in there for a few minutes before she hears someone come into the pantry. When she looks up she sees Killian slipping into the fridge. 

His eyes find hers after a moment. He looks at her but no reassuring smile comes this time. Maybe he can tell this is about more than just nerves, about something that an earnest smile can’t fix.

“Mind if I join you, Swan?” he asks, gesturing to the space next to her where a few empty crates are stacked.

She shrugs in response, no longer able to look him in the eye. 

Emma hears him shuffle over, his beat up Vans appearing in her line of vision. He sits with her for a few moments, only the humming of the working fridge filling the silence.

“I’ve told you of some of my troubles, Swan, perhaps you could share some of yours with me?”

Emma bites her lip, unsure if she can just talk about something so complicated, so secret that only her and Ingrid know about.

“Or we can talk about Captain America or the new Black Panther comic? Whatever you want, lass.”

That gets a small laugh out of her. She lets her lips curve a little when she looks up into his blue eyes. He grins back.

“Anything to get you to smile, Swan.”

Emma rolls her eyes at him but her smile grows nonetheless.

“I’m more of an Agent Carter fan myself,” she says.

“Ah yes, Miss Carter,” he mimics Mr. Jarvis perfectly, getting her to laugh again.

_Damn it_

As their laughter fades, they smile at each other.

She notices the scar on his cheek. She wonders if it is from his time being homeless.

She breaks the moment first, looking back at the cooler door.

“We should probably get back out there,” she says, standing, motioning with her thumb towards the door.

Killian stares up at her, his eyes moving across her face, looking for… something.

He must find something that reassures him because he puts his hands on his jean-clad thighs to stand.

“Aye. Though I hate to walk in on my dear brother and Elsa flirting.”

"What?!” Emma turns back from opening the fridge door.

“Aye. I’m afraid so. I have walked in on their not so secret flirting sessions more than I ever would have liked.”  
“They have yet to confess their feelings to each other, so the rest of us must look on in horror as Liam tries to woo the lovely Elsa,” Killian’s eyes widen in mock horror.

“Wow,” Emma giggles, moving through the fridge and the pantry doorway and back into the kitchen.

As they walk closer to the serving counter together, Emma sees that there are only a few people in line to be served, everyone else enjoying their meals. She even notices Belle and Ruby chatting with some of the people.

As the last people receive their food, Liam turns and sees them.

“Emma—“ he begins.

“Liam, I’m so sorry I walked off. It won’t happen again, I promise. I just needed a minute,” Emma interrupts, cutting herself off when Liam begins shaking his head, smiling.

“No need to explain, lass. I understand. Everyone has their own stuff going on. I couldn’t do this work if I didn’t. I probably should have mentioned this earlier but if you ever need a few minutes, just call someone from the cafeteria. There are usually a few volunteers wandering about and they’ll come take over for you,” Liam puts his hands on her shoulders and squeezes slightly, his eyes looking so kind, begging her to understand he really means what he is saying.

“Okay. Thank you,” she mumbles.

“Now, that doesn’t mean you get out of cleaning. So, grab some of the dishes and let’s get on,” he orders, patting her on the back.

Emma laughs, smirking at the authoritarian tone his voice takes on, but still does as she is told.

_Even though I hate doing dishes._

She grabs a pile of dirty plates and brings them over to the big sink that David has already filled with hot soapy water.

“I wash, you dry?” David asks.

“Sure,” Emma smiles.

An hour later they are putting away the last of the dishes and cookware, stashing away the mops and wiping off the countertops one final time. Emma grabs her purse from the pantry and exits the kitchen along with everyone else, Killian holding the door open for her.

“So, what’d you think, Swan? Will you be back?” Killian asks, drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“Definitely,” she confirms, confidently.

“Good,” he says, smiling.

He stares for a few moments before walking off with his brother.

Emma walks back to her apartment, feeling lighter than she thought possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back, baby! so this has been written for about a week or two, after i got out of my depression/writing slump and now i have finally typed it up. the next two chapters are planned but not written so i can't make any promises on when the next update will be but hopefully sooner than the month it took to get this chapter out. hope you all enjoy it.

Emma is walking across the commons area when she hears her name called.

“Swan!”

She turns to see a windblown Killian jogging towards her. It is quite the sight, to say the least.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he breathes out. “You headed for the meeting?”

“Yeah,” she says, looking towards the building the meeting in question is in.

Something she has noticed about Killian is that he looks her right in the eye almost every time he talks to her and every time she is talking, he truly listens. And when she lets herself look him in the eye, all that blue is equal parts hypnotizing and disconcerting. The emotions he evokes in those eyes so can be quite frightening when its pointed straight at you.

“Mind if I walk with you?” he asks, as he smiles and quirks an eyebrow simultaneously.

“I guess,” Emma feigns disinterest.

She does like spending time with him. He is nice and smart and he knows how rough life can be, so when she’s prickly or sarcastic, she doesn’t need to explain herself to him.

His smile widens and he sweeps his arm out in front of him to allow her to lead the way.

“After you, milady.”

Emma rolls her eyes and continues the path towards their meeting.

As they walk (Killian opening the door for her because apparently “I’m a gentleman, Swan”), she notices him throwing glances her way every couple of minutes.

After the third one, she gets self-conscious.

“What?” she grates, stopping in her tracks just around the corner from the room the club meeting is in.

“What?” he stammers, confused.

“You keep looking at me.”

Killian opens and closes his mouth twice before he seems to settle on something. He scrunches his eyebrows together in concentration.

“Apologies, Emma. I didn’t realize I was…um, being so obvious.”

“Is there something wrong?” she questions, wondering if her makeup got smudged at some point during her day of classes.

“No. It’s just…” he trails off, looking frustrated with himself.

Emma steps forward and lays her hand on his arm, trying her best to sooth whatever is bothering him. She’s not good with words, action is more of her thing, but she figures she should try for something.

“Hey, guys.”

And here comes Belle.

“Hi,” Emma says, quickly taking a step back from Killian. Her voice sounds anything but normal but neither of them seem to notice.

“Hi, lass” Killian speaks, sounding a bit breathless.

“You guys heading in?” Belle gestures toward the direction of the meeting room.

“Aye,” Killian answers as Emma nods.

They all walk to the room together, Elsa and David the only ones there so far, setting up desks into a circle. Emma returns to the desk she sat in at her first meeting and it seems Killian has a similar idea because he sits at the same desk right in her line of vision.

Emma tries to meet his eyes but he keeps his gaze downcast as he takes out a notebook and a pen from his bag. David says something that catches his attention and makes him chuckle. His eyes wonder as he chats up David but ultimately they fall back to Emma, like he couldn’t stop himself, like he couldn’t help it.

His light-hearted bright blue eyes turn dark, intense as he looks at her. She’s about to look away, to squash the feelings he brings up in her, but his lips turn up into a smile, making his eye crinkle around the edges.

Emma’s lips part a little.

The softness, the earnestness pointed at her is an unfamiliar occurrence. She smiles shyly, just a little, in return before the rest of the club rattle into the room. Ruby’s voice the most noticeable above the rest.

Emma looks away and starts up a conversation with Elsa when the blonde comes and sits down next to her. She can feel Killian still looking at her but she cannot look back at those honest eyes. It’s too much. His gaze makes her hope for things she gave up on a long time ago.

She distracts herself by asking Elsa a question she has been wondering since her shift at the shelter.

“So, what’s going on with you and Liam,” she asks, making her voice as even and innocent as possible.

Elsa hiccups. Actually hiccups and turns redder than Emma has ever seen anyone turn.

Emma giggles, watching Elsa try to calm herself down, taking deep breaths. Emma rubs her back until Elsa returns to a normal hue. 

She gives Emma a stern look before her lips turn up slightly. She quickly turns away and straightens her posture unnecessarily. She claps her hands to get the attention of the room.

“Okay everyone let’s get started.”

Emma muffles a laugh behind her hand, though she quickly sobers when she sees Killian’s honest eyes still trained on her.

“Let’s start with the climate change project. How are we progressing?” Elsa asks, pointing her gaze towards Ruby and Robin’s general area.

“Well, I talked to Mary Margaret, and she got us an appointment with Dean Mal on Friday at 3:30. Mulan thinks that I should not be one of the people to go to the meeting because she says I can be too “outspoken”,” Ruby air quotes as she mock-glares at her girlfriend.

“I am not wrong. You told Professor Hopper that he looked like a cricket,” Mulan sasses back, causing the room to explode in laughter.

“She’s not wrong,” Robin laughs.

“Okay, okay,” Elsa settles everyone. 

“I was thinking we could all go as a group. It would give everyone some more experience negotiating with higher-ups and since Emma is new, give her the chance to see some different ways to try and make change,” Elsa finishes, smiling at Emma.

“Aye and Dave can wait in the lobby and make eyes at Mary Margaret,” Killian adds in.

David glares and punches him in the shoulder as something like “at least I have a girlfriend” comes out under his breath.

“Such children,” Regina mumbles. “Dean Mal is a family friend of my mother and does not suffer fools, so don’t any of you screw this up.”

“I think we all know what’s at stake, Regina,” Robin soothes, wrapping his arm around her back.

Regina turns a concerned gaze towards Robin. Her bite quickly evaporates and a shy smile replaces it.

Emma looks around and notices everyone’s startled expression at Regina’s softness. 

Regina is in one of Emma’s classes. Emma has worked on group assignments with her where they mainly just bickered at each other until they came to some form of an agreement. Regina can be quite polarizing, so to see someone make her look almost sweet, specifically someone like Robin who she glared at before, is nice to see. Emma is glad for her. Seeing Regina find someone fills Emma with a little bit of hope.

Emma’s gaze then catches on Killian’s (Yes, again). 

He shoots his eyes towards Robin and Regina before looking back at her with a smirk, along with a few ridiculous eyebrow wiggles thrown in.

Emma feels her chest tighten as his smile grows.

She smirks back and rolls her eyes, defusing the situation the best way she knows how and vaporizing any feelings he might bring up in her.

“Do we want to come up with a list of examples of what we want on the signs around campus?” Elsa asks.

Everyone agrees and they take the list from the last meeting and add a few more ideas to it before the meeting begins to wrap up. They compiled quite the list of climate change tips to show Dean Mal at their meeting.

“Okay, everyone, we’ll meet outside the administration building on Friday at 3,” Elsa announces as everyone gathers their things.

Emma is both excited and anxious for the meeting. She hasn’t been too involved on campus and has never seen the dean outside of pictures in the newspaper or on the university website. Dean Mal certainly looks fierce.

Emma slides the straps of her backpack onto her shoulders and begins to exit the room, avoiding the gaze of a certain blue-eyed boy.

“Think you can handle it, Swan?” Killian calls out, making her turn slowly towards him. “Meeting with the dean can be quite intimidating,” he adds, shouldering his backpack without taking his eyes away from her. He saunters closer.

“Can you?” she snaps back, meeting the challenge she can see in his eyes.

His eyes turn mischievous. He is almost leering at her, his lips turning into a dirty smirk. He walks right up into her space, his nose almost touching hers.

Emma tries to remember to breathe.

“Oh, Swan, you have no idea all the things I can handle,” he whispers, his warm breath washing over her face.

Her breath catches but she quickly exhales loudly. His smirk turns into a full, deadly, teasing grin.

“Whatever, Jones. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m capable of,” she says, raising her chin in defiance. 

Killian’s face turns serious, making Emma’s breath back up again. She takes a step backward but he steps forward, following her. 

“Maybe I’d like to know you. Maybe I’d like to see exactly what you’re capable of,” he softly replies.

His eyes show complete honestly. There is no lie. 

Emma’s breathing turns sharper, heavier, her chest rising and falling more quickly. She is not ready for this. She doesn’t want a relationship. (Who said anything about a relationship?) She can’t. They don’t work for her. The last one was…

Not something she thinks about.

Emma pulls her gaze away from Killian’s and hurries past him before she can do something like say how it would be nice for someone to want to know her or god forbid grab him and kiss him. 

She doesn’t slow her speed-walking until she is out of the building and surrounded by a crowd of fellow students. The slightly cooler air relaxes her and allows her to finally take a real breath.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are again. Angst ahead! This is definitely a turning point in the story.

Emma always found studying in the library to be a good idea in theory. In practice, it was something else entirely. She had barely gotten through the first page of her reading for history before she heard the loud buzz of someone’s phone and then the non-whispering voice of some douche fraternity bro talking into it. 

That had been ten minutes ago.

Now she is one “dude” away from getting up, marching over and acquainting his phone with her shoe. She sends her evilest glares towards his table. _He should be able to read those, right?_

Emma turns back to her book and tries for the umpteenth time to get into her reading, only to be startled by a pair of denim-clad thighs positioned next to the table she is sitting at.

“Swan, you upset me. I thought I alone was the receiver of your glares. I’m crushed,” Killian says, his hand going to his chest in mock hurt.

Emma huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Ha. Ha,” she deadpans, to which Killian only grins broadly.

“Besides,” he says, pulling out the chair next to her, “Belle just started her shift here, so he won’t be rule-breaking for long,” Kilian finishes, motioning with his head to the circulation desk. 

Belle is already moving away from and toward the rule breaker himself.

“Huh, good. It was taking me forever to read this chapter,” she says, smoothing her hand over the glossy textbook page.

“History, aye?”

“It’s my major,” Emma shrugs.

“Interesting,” Killian says, genuinely. “Mine’s marine biology.

“Why?” Emma questions, unthinkingly. “I mean— “

“It’s okay, Swan. I know you meant no harm,” Killian smiles.

He takes a breath before he speaks again.

“When I was young, Liam, used to take me out on boat trips. He’d rent a boat for a few hours and we would sail into the open water. I loved it. He got his own boat eventually and it really helped, after we found each other again, to calm me, remind me of times when he was there. It helped remind me that he had no plans to leave me.”

Emma stares at him in wonder. God, how she wished she could have such a place. Home with Ingrid is nice but what Killian is describing, she doesn’t think she has ever experienced.

“Wow,” she breathes. I…I don’t… That sounds perfect,” Emma stutters, quietly. 

“Aye,” Killian whispers, looking into Emma’s eyes, significantly.

She both hates and loves that he can read her so well.

Emma looks away and goes back to her reading, hoping he drops the conversation and lets her go back to her work.

Of course, she has nothing to worry about. Killian rustles through his back for a moment, before producing a thick textbook of his own and a notebook and pen. 

He begins working diligently and as the hour passes, Emma finishes her reading and starts writing a first draft of her history essay; Killian still reading and jotting down notes.

She looks up from her writing to see him concentrating on a chart on the page, his long fingers tracing the information, his tongue pushed into his cheek.

Killian glances up and sees her staring blankly at him. He smiles lightly at her, breaking her from her daze.

“Alright there, Swan?”

“Fine,” she answers, voice higher than normal. 

She flicks her gaze back to her essay. She can feel Killian still looking at her.

“Emma,” Killian starts, quietly, making her look up quickly.

“Can I ask you a question?”

She feels a knot form in her stomach.

“I think you just did,” she quirks her eyebrow, trying to hide her unease.

Killian smirks, drumming his fingers on his notebooks. His expression turns curious, serious.

“At the shelter, your first time, what got you so upset?” Killian asks, carefully.

She knew this time would come, knew someday he would ask or someone would bring up something that would involve her directly having to answer a question about her past.

“I just…,” she starts. “It was nothing, really.”

She can’t tell him. She can’t see the pity come from Killian’s beautiful, blue, sincere eyes. She may not be able to read him as well as he reads her but she can see pity from a mile away.

His eyebrows rise in disbelief.

“That wasn’t nothing, Swan.”

Killian reaches out his hand to slide over hers.

Emma looks into his eyes but not for long. This is not her. She isn’t close to people for this exact reason. Once they learn your past, your baggage, you never see them again. Or if you do, they treat you differently. She can’t risk that happening with Killian. She has to put on the brakes before he does.

She snatches her hand away and gathers her things.

“It’s none of your business, Killian,” She snaps.

Someone shushes her from somewhere in the library, making her face heat up and her movements even quicker. She just needs to get out of there. She barely registers Killian’s voice.

“Swan.”

She has to go.

“Love.”

No. She cannot stay. She can’t do this.

“Emma,” he says louder, earning another shush.

“Please. You can talk to me. Tell me anything,” he pleads, standing up from his chair.

“No,” Emma softly rasps, zipping her bag and throwing it on her shoulders.

She will not cry in the library.

She sees Killian, through her quickly blurring vision, reach for her just as she rushes away. She does not dare look back and see the confused, hurt look on his face.

She knows she could not take the aftermath if he was the one to pull away.

She can’t have his sincere smiles turn to sneers, or his soft eyes turn into judgment and disgust. She can’t.

She can’t have all that taken away from her. She has to take a step back herself before she gets in too deep. Before her feelings turn into something she can’t control or push away. 

She has Ingrid. That’s all she needs. She can’t take a risk on anyone else.


End file.
